unsettled

I've been in Pasadena a week now, and things are beginning to shape up. I'm slowly getting my apartment the way I want it, procuring my basic necessities, and taking care of all of the tasks that come with moving and starting a new school. Andy and I were able to move in all of the things I brought with me and quickly make this small space livable. We explored much of the Pasadena area on our many shopping and recreational expeditions. However, since he has left my progress has slowed. Things are moving at this unhurried pace mainly by design. While working my way down each days "to do" list, I have to make sure I will still have things to do the next day. Efficiency is not a high priority considering orientation does not begin for another week and a half and classes another week after that. Also with gas prices as high as they are, I have limited myself to one outing in the car a day. This situation has left me an abundance of free time in which I can be preparing myself for my upcoming studies by researching classes or reading ahead. Instead I am usually on my computer or watching TV, which is why I am frequently upset.

Now one could speculate many reasons for my despondent attitude, such as home-sickness, boredom, or restlessness. All of these feelings are factors but only as part of a much larger whole. Mostly I am overcome by a sense of uselessness. My perceived inability to contribute to the humanitarian efforts that are taking place across the Gulf Coast is leaving me empty. I say perceived because I know that there are things that I can do here in California, but it is not as much as if I were still in Texas. I was not able to follow any of the news coverage last week as the situation in New Orleans developed so I am just now beginning to realize the extensiveness of the devastation. As I sit in my apartment with little to do, I often think about all of the things I could be doing if I were in Southeast Texas or even College Station. Today I even briefly considered hitching a ride with a caravan of volunteers leaving from the Los Angeles area heading to New Orleans. For now I just have to trust that there is a reason I am in Pasadena and focus on the ways in which I can contribute here.